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How to torch a career in 280 characters or less

April 1, 2018


Its not the worst thing ever said about Donald Trump. It’s not even the most profane thing I’ve ever said about Donald Trump.

But when you’re the “chief spokesperson” for a government agency, you can’t inadvertently blast that out on said agency’s Twitter account without a negative impact on your family income.

And maybe that’s  a bit of the problem: I spent 25 years writing things like the paragraph above instead of just saying, “I was shitcanned.”

It was guns and Trump that blew it all up. Seventeen more students didn’t come home from school one day because of America’s fetish for guns. I sorta lost it when Trump held a photo op in the White House with some grieving parents and shell-shocked kids.

But, oops, wrong browser window, and I was toast.

The truth, though, is that I’ve been carrying around a shitload of anger for a long, long time. My thumbs just finally made it plain for all to see.

I made calls, trolled job boards, and harbored brief fantasies that here was my chance to catch on with some progressive political organization or gun control group to channel my rage and my fairly decent communications skills to work in a somewhat positive manner. In South Carolina, however, there’s not much demand for angry middle-aged white guys on the left.

And then my wife, God bless her, said, “Why don’t you look for a job completely different from what you’ve done your whole life so you’re not mad all the time?”

So I did.

I’m now starting over in something I may very well suck at. I’m in training, so it will be a while before we know if I can make any money. But in my third day there, around lunch, I had an unexpected and unfamiliar feeling: I was happy to be at work.

It might have been because I was hungry, and it was certainly influenced by the fact that I’ve greatly reduced my consumption of “news.”

I like to think, though, that I might be onto something that could improve my mental health, if not my 401K.

Here’s hoping.


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