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Dear Dork In The Carpool Line at Lake Murray Elementary School

April 13, 2011


Please allow me to take just a moment of your EXTREMELY VALUABLE time to share a few thoughts with you this morning.

First, I want to familiarize you with the symbol above.  In black, you’ll notice an arrow pointing to the left. On a roadway, this is generally accepted to indicate a left turn.

The red thing – in case you are unaware – is an internationally recognized symbol for “No.” It is not uncommon to see this symbol used in a somewhat light-hearted manner.  For example, here in my open workspace (designed, I might add, to foster collaboration in a team environment and not as a comment on the fact that my work is not valuable enough to warrant an actual office), I have this symbol transposed over an orange tiger paw. This helps others who happen by to recognize my antipathy toward Clemson University, or more precisely, its athletic teams.  It may also be helpful to think of this as the visual equivalent of a “not” added at the end of a sentence, e.g., “I am a huge fan of Jersey Shore…NOT!”

When the red “no” symbol is used over the black “left turn” symbol, this is meant to indicate “No Left Turn” or, if you prefer, “Left turn…NOT!”

In essence, school officials are saying to you, “Don’t screw up the entire carpool line because you have to get home RIGHT NOW to see if they have leaked photos of Kate Middleton’s wedding dress on the freakin’ Today Show.”

Seriously, unless you work at Lighthouse Marina – and I know you don’t – there is nothing YOU have to do this morning that is so pressing it can’t wait the extra two minutes it takes to hang a couple rights and cut through the Lowman Home to get back to Johnson Marina Road.

If it is ABSOLUTELY IMPERATIVE that you violate this well-posted and longstanding directive, then perhaps you shouldn’t have left your toddler sleeping unattended back at the house while you dropped your other brat off at school.

Please note that if this practice continues, I will be standing in the parking lot to take photos of you that will be posted to a new blog called “Inconsiderate Idiots Who Drive Near Ballentine.”

Thanks and have a great day!



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